Final Thoughts

Why is it that the Vice President and Speaker of the House get the worst seat in the house for State of the Union address?  I understand that they are next in command and they want to remind America that they exist, but they must be miserable staring at the back of Obama's head all night.

Speaking of the State of the Union address, is there a bigger kiss-ass event in America?  I guess if I were getting lambasted in the media as much as Obama, I would want to receive applause and a standing ovation every now and then too (or in this case every two minutes).

Best part of the State of the Union address?  The fact that they didn't interrupt the season premiere of "Lost" next week.  I knew I voted for this guy for a reason.  FEBRUARY 2ND!

So now Elizabeth Edwards possibly wants a divorce?!  The affair she most likely knew about during her husband's run for presidency and the child that she has known about since last summer wasn't enough to lead to a separation in the past?  Sounds like someone doesn't like her husband getting all of the attention. 

Animal rights are furious over skater Johnny Weir wearing fur?!  How about being furious that a man wore an outfit (excuse me, costume) as embarrassing as he did.  Perhaps next time he won't pick something from his sister's closet.

The iPad Disappoints America

Only Apple could cause such a stir that Twitter experienced delays of 8-9 minutes during the announcment of the new iPad.

The country's worst kept secret (outside of the name) during the last six months turned out to be an extreme disappointment after the iPad appears to be nothing more than a larger iPhone.  While extremely cool looking and weighing in at approximately 1.5 lbs, what makes this the next must have gadget when the iPhone and even the iTouch appears to do much of what the iPad will do.

On top of the limited features of the product, Apple partnered with a number of publishers to raise the price of eBooks.  While I understand publishers' concerns around Amazon setting the price of new titles at $9.99, the fact remains that an eBook and owning a hard cover title that one can transfer ownership to others is much different.  So apparently the days of affordable eBooks is now over.  Thanks Apple.

Even worse, Apple committed the cardinal sin and didn't listen to the biggest complaint about the iPhone: AT&T.  Once again, Apple has provided AT&T with the contract for their hottest new gadget providing customers with the worst network in the U.S.  Immediately after the annoncement, the blogosphere erupted in disappointment that Apple didn't pursue or announce a partnership with Verizon.  I remain hopeful that Verizon may still get in on the iPhone this summer; providing AT&T with the exclusive on the iPad definitely doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy about this potential development.

Overall: the technogeeks will open their wallets to pick up the iPad upon release.  The question remains whether anyone else will, as will.  Even with pricing much below what was expected, unfortunately, while I consider myself to be a technogeek, I simply can't see the need for the iPad.  The iTouch seems to do much of what the iPad does at a fraction of the cost.  The iPhone seems to do that as well and adds cell phone service.  A MacBook provides all of the basic features of the iPad (and more) minus cell phone service.  So where does the iPad fall?  Too big to be a cell phone and too small to be a fully functional laptop, what is the real need?  Do I and the rest of the country really need another gadget to shlep with us on vacation or on the go?  With many other features that people wanted to see on the iPad, will America stand in line days before its release like the day the iPhone was released?  And like my colleague joked: how are you going to strap it on your belt? 

Like my wife's, this is another Maxipad (Mac's iPad, get it?) that I don't care to get near.

Doogie!

In another nod to Idol jumping the shark, they provided drag queen Julie Kevelighan with screen time eight seasons after she originally wasted America's time once again. While a time waster, Idol did thankfully seem to highlight the more talented folks tonight. 

And making tonight more palatable than other audition rounds was special judge Doogie for adding humor into the show...from his joke on RuPaul's (Julie Kevelighan) sign to speaking to how Erica Rhodes grew up to be a "dirty little girl" after starring on Barney.  NPH would be a great replacement for Randy should they ever decide to get rid of that useless larda--.

Lloyd Thomas who has been sitting on the dock of the bay for years channeled the great Stevie Wonder and impressed all of the judges to set up himself to be this year's Ruben Studdard.   And like Ruben, apparently Jesus had everything to do with his continuing onto Hollywood.  Way to go Jesus!   I guess Jesus must hate all of those folks who failed to make it further.

Kimberley Carver sang an original and while solid, I found her voice grating...and apparently Simon is most likely correct as her name does not appear on the preliminary list of top 24.

Just as the gay movement seemed to take a step forward with Obama seeking to repeal the ridiculous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy of the military, Dexter Ward took the movement a step backward with his ridiculous performance (well that and Seacrest not owning up to who he really is). 

As for the sexiest performance o f the evening, there is nothing sexier than a dominatrix singing America's favorite purple dinosaur Barney's theme song...Erica Rhodes would definitely make watching Barney more palatable if all of Barney's friends were dressed up like her! 

Whore. Slut. B-tch. Sorry, Tourette's got the best of me.  In all seriousness, glad to see someone like Dave Pittman overcome his disability to make it to Hollywood.  It is actually nice to see Idol to follow in the footsteps of Idol by recognizing those with disabilities. 

Okay, enough serious sh-t. 

On day two, we unfortunately went from great talent Neil Patrick Harris to Mickey Mouse alum Nick or Joe or one of the Jonas brothers who like the majority of special judges provided nothing of value.

Todrick Hall provided perhaps the best performance this season with an original song that had just what it takes to make it on the radio.  This is one guy who I am disappointed not to see on the top 24 list and for the first time I hope that the list is bogus...it wouldn't be the first time.

And I am not sure I shared the excitement for Maegan Wright whose spastic brother ruined it for me.  Little bro needs his Ritalin.

Overall, Dallas may have provided some of the best talent this season...but of course we won't know until Hollywood as Idol gets to choose who we see and who we don't see.  Thankfully only one more week of this crap.

Final Thoughts

I heard today that Nancy Kerrigan's father died recently, possibly by the hands of her brother.  Some say they could hear Nancy screaming, "Why me?!" and that the police are seeking Jeff Gilooly and Tonya Harding for further questions.  Hey, at least her brother didn't go after their father's knees.  And yes, I am going to hell.

Fabrice "Fab" Moran, half of legendary duo Milli Vanilli claims in today's USA Today, "In pop, R&B and hip-hop, just about everyone uses some sort of processing. This has almost become part of the sound today ... and people expect it." Twenty years later, "what we were crucified for you see everywhere". Moran, granted there is too much lip synching going on today (hey Britney!), but lip synching and NOT ACTUALLY SINGING THE LYRICS are totally different things.

Why is it that women make up 57% of students in college yet only represent 43% of the workforce (according to a 2003 study)?

The "Titanic" sunk once again when "Avatar" became the highest grossing worldwide film of all-time with $1.859 billion.  The U.S. record should fall by next weekend at the latest.  At this rate, James Cameron will be the wealthiest man in the world with his next film!

In spite of his deep religious beliefs, G-d hates Tim Tebow as much as I do failing him numerous times during practice for the upcoming Senior Bowl.  How does the 6th round sound Timmy Boy?

Speaking of G-d, why is it that celebrities only thank him when they win awards and/or big games but they never thank him when they lose?

You whip out one snake at a boy's birthday party and every goes running and complaining. Gee.

Favorite text from last night: I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. REPLY: You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

Another Round of Auditions...Snore

Another crappy audition episode as Idol padded their ratings in advance of Hollywood.

Tonight we were graced with "I want to be a bada-- but I'm really just a cute little rocker chick who thought it would be cool to get married at 22 but then realized there is a lot more d--k out there leading her to file for divorce at just 25" Avril Lavigne as our first judge.   With comments as exciting as her singing career, Avril was thankfully only featured in just 30 minutes of the show.

Unfortunately, between Avril and second guest judge, Katy Perry, Idol chose to spend the majority of time on folks who had no chance of making and who were not even entertaining.  Even worse, many couldn't even stand to look at the face of the judges since they knew their performances were a joke and that they were simply being given their 15 seconds of fame.  Outside of blogging losers like me, I simply wish that people wouldn't watch these silly audition rounds.

As for the more talented folks this evening, "rocker chick" (in asterisks since she was a poor representation for a rocker much like guest judge Avril Lavigne) Mary Powers impressed the judges...don't expect to see much of her in the future as she simply doesn't have "it".

As for heavily searched Andrew Garcia (apparently someone people were searching often for online this past week), he did not disappoint with an Adam Levine sound alike on Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning".  Andrew's parents, former gang bangers, celebrated by inviting the Crips over for dinner.

And last, Lux's new friend (a nod to new show "Life Unexpected), Chris Golightly, made it to Hollywood with his sweet, but unexciting voice receiving four approvals.  Snore...

As for the biggest waste of time, Jason Greene, who sang "I Touch Myself", it is true, when girls (and guys) see Jason they do want to touch themselves but only because they sure as hell don't want to catch anything this guy has...well almost anyone; after playfully giving Jason's number to another contestant, Ryan purportedly took his number and put it on speed dial.  And as for the comments from Katy Perry?  If a girl who is f--king man-whore and reknown skank Russell Brand says you make her feel dirty?  She is basically calling you Pete Doherty.

Too Much Bush Leads to More Sex

Yes, that's right...George Bush and his crazy love of abstinence has seemingly led to an increase in teen pregnancy, the first increase in more than a decade.  So not only did dear old George bring us a paralyzed president during the worst domestic terror attack ever, the setting for the worst economy in decades, and Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?, but George's fear mongering apparently also brought us more little rugrats to clog our already-taxed system.

According to the USA Today, funding for abstinence "doubled from 2000 to 2003, to 120 million.  By 2008, funding was at $176 million."

Does the Religious Right not realize that it is a poor move to:

1) tell kids to wait until marriage when their hormones are raging harder than a rave in an abandoned warehouse?
2) tell kids that they shouldn't be doing something?

Not sure about you, but I know when authority told me that I shouldn't be doing something, it only made me that much more curious.  Telling kids not to partake in sexual relations is like telling Kirstie Alley not to eat another sandwich...it just ain't gonna happen.

Hopefully the new administration will see the value in teaching to WRAP IT UP!  If you're going to partake in sexual intercourse, throw a jimmy on that hat.  It is hard (no pun intended) not to see a correlation about an unrelated survey that found that "57% of sexually active respondents said they had had unprotected sex" and the fact that girls are spitting out babies like the Octomom.

In summary kids: cover your junk.

And that's how I see it...

Final Thoughts

Used the last bit of toilet paper yesterday at work...safe to say that the next guy was s--t out of luck?

Hey budddy, the best time to pick your nose is NOT when you're passing a vehicle...I, along with most people, are always curious who is passing our vehicle and naturally look at the driver.  Thanks for the laugh.

To the wench who was smoking in her vehicle while her child was in his/her child seat in the backseat: F--k you!  It is bad enough that you are going to rob your child of his mother when you die early from cancer, but shame on you for exposing your child to secondhand smoke.  And by the way...I am sure that little Jimmy/little Suzy just loves going to school smelling like an ashtray!

There is no one more brazen than Tiger Woods after reportedly putting his mistress on the phone with his wife to deny the affair.  Of course, he probably should have avoided the Ambien which allowed his wife to get a hold of his phone and text his mistress as if she were Tiger.  Not so grreeeeeatttt (says Tony the Tiger).

Riding the wave of good news these days for our President, Obama encountered another embarrassing encounter when an affair one of his adviser's was outed by the mistress herself through billboards in SF, Atlanta, and Times Square.  As for the adviser, Oracle President Charles Phillips, one would have expected that this very wealthy guy could have at least pulled some better tail.

Is it seriously possible for service fees to go higher for concerts and sporting events?  Of course...and I am sure it will happen once Ticketmaster and Live Nation merge.

Rumors have Brangelina breaking up...foreign countries pray for them to stay together so that they're not left with additional orphans.

Please tell me that CBS is not simply a whorish network and will use good judgment when considering a Super Bowl ad for pro-life organization, Focus on the Family.  Tim Tebow is a fine quarterback, however the only thing I want to see him throwing around is a football, not his pro-life viewpoints.  This is one ad and quarterback I hope to see sacked.

Perhaps it is just me, but I cannot help but smile and sing along when Huey Lewis & the News is on.

Final Thoughts

Is every Senator a total douche?  Senator John Edwards finally acknowledged that he had a bastard child as a result of an affair during his run for the presidency.  Between recent political scandals like this paternity admission to the foot tapping airport embarrassment of Senator Larry Craig to Senator Mark Sanford's admission of an international affair, perhaps having an over-liking of boys or girls is a requirement to get elected to the Senate.

 The National Enquirer wants a Pulitzer for breaking news on Edwards' bastard child...Mad magazine cries foul!

A religious scare in the air led to an early landing on an US Airways flight when a Jewish teenager whipped out his tefillin during a flight.  Perhaps the flight crew didn't trust the kid since they probably didn't believe why a Jewish kid would be traveling to Kentucky!

Conan completed his final "Tonight Show" on Friday...lets hope that he can do the kind of show that he wants to do on Fox or another network rather than the show that NBC wanted him to do.

If Royal Caribbean must dock off of Haiti, at least do some good by carrying over volunteers (in addition to supplies) to the ravaged country. Of course, what can one expect from a cruise line that is organizing a "Cougar's Cruise"?  Whoever thought that Carnival would be considered a classier cruise line?!

Apparently laziness from the Japanese automakers has resulted in recalls like the American automakers are used to.  With many foreign automakers now housing facilities in the U.S., lets hope lazy American workers aren't the cause of the recall

Cindy McCain is definitely a GILF...grandma I'd like to like to...well you get the point.

Instead of titling this article, "If Your Password Is 123456, Just Make It HackMe", they should title it, "HackMe Because I'm An F'in Idiot".  Are people really that stupid?!


Quincy Jones re-making "We Are The World" for Haiti....Bubbles to sub in for MJ.

A religious wet dream: guns and the bible.

Only three days until the Apple iTablet is announced...hit or miss?  Might Apple even announce what many have been waiting a year for?  The iPhone on Verizon?!  Fingers crossed.

Finally, major props to George Clooney for organizing tonight's charity event for Haiti along with the 130+ celebrities for using their status for good.  $57 million raised!  Props also to Alonzo Mourning and Dwayne Wade who helped raise over $800,000, the ten NBA players who committed $1,000 per point scored Friday night, and to anyone else who may have dipped into their pocket for those in need.

Let 'em F-ck

Okay, so perhaps the title of this blog entry is a bit misleading, but if I learned anything when I was in marketing, it was to get the customer's attention.  And let's be honest, I am like the Iraq War of 2003...shock and awe.

This week, the USA Today ran a story about on sex on TV and how it has become much more risque in recent years.  Thankfully, the article mentions that the increase in sexual material on television has been, "evolutionary, not revolutionary". 

Unfortunately, on the other side you have people like the Parents Television Council who thinks that we are ruining our children and that the long term effects may be extremely bad.  Don't they realize that, like the USA Today article states, "TV mirrors real life"? 

Have most parents not seen that children are having sex earlier and even worse (at least for the girls) that most teenagers don't consider oral sex to be a big deal?  Taking this story in a different direction now, I am not granting the music, movie, and television industry a free pass, but there are a few larger issues that America needs to face.

First, it is time for parents to actually parent their kids.  Stop being their best friend...that is what they have little Jimmy or little Suzy for. You are the parent and it is up to you to tell your kids what they can do, what they can watch and most importantly what morals are. 

I often hear teachers speak to how parents expect them to do the parenting; what happened to parental responsibility? 

I listen to groups like the Parents Teacher Council and other stick-up-their-a-- agencies blame the media for all of problems with kids today.  Guess what?  If parents simply took control of the situation, we probably would not see girls wearing skirts so short that you can see their va-jay-jays, we would not have girls providing the Monica Lewinsky special to boys at Bar Mitzvahs, and we would most likely see less sex occurring amongst young kids.

The second issue we must face is that sex isn't bad.  Sex at a young age is not ideal, but seeing a little nudity on television or in cinema is not going to cause little Jimmy to yank out his wanker every time little Suzy walks by; little Jenny is not going to spread her legs for every little Bobby that smiles at her.  Does anyone not see that America's repressed sexual nature has caused us nothing but trouble? 

Look at Europe where nudity is everywhere...in newspapers, in commercials, and on many public beaches.  Now look at some interesting facts:

1) Outside of the Russian Federation, the U.S. has the highest pregnancy rates amongst developed countries.

2) Per capita, the United States has the 9th highest number of rapes in the world with all of Europe below

If Republicans could simply come out and actually say that sex isn't liken to the devil, perhaps we wouldn't have government officials tapping their feet in the bathroom nor them having extra marital affairs as if they were popping Pez and most importantly perhaps kids wouldn't be so interested in having sex.


Just think: if parent acually parented their kids and the Religious Right and others stopped telling kids to be ashamed of their bodies and that sex is the devil, don't you think we think we might start seeing the problems with kids and sex that we have today dwindle just a bit?

Nudity isn't bad.  Nudity isn't the devil.  Nudity won't send you to hell.  And for sex?  Sex is good (at the right age).

Final Thoughts

In a sign that Hollywood continues to lack an original idea, Jonah Hill is developing (and starring in) "21 Jump Street" for the big screen.  Wow, I hope that this is as good as the remake of "I Dream of Jeannie"! 

In a similar story, sad news that producers may not get their chance to ruin the wonderful memories of "Footloose".  Looks like Chace Crawford will be stuck at "Gossip Girl" until he learns how to act.

In other "Gossip Girl" news, the CW has cast Billy Baldwin as the father of socialite Serena van der Woodsen .  America shouts a collective, "Who?!".  How could America forget the almost-Oscar award winning "Sliver"!

Anyone else think that Regis Philbin reminds them of their senile grandfather?

David Hasselhoff will be starring in a new reality show on A&E.  I hear they may call it "Cheers" because the bar is a place where everyone knows his name.

With NBC not content enough with ruining late night TV, they're now looking to destroy funny SNL skit "Macgruber" by making it into a full-length feature film.  The trailer actually looks funny, but with a poor track record for turning SNL skits into movies, expect this movie to tank.

A special thank you to Judge David Groner for calling former gangster Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick out on his BS.  With $320,000 due in 90 days, lets hope the city of Detroit is rewarded with the money it well deserves from the most corrupt man in the city since Coleman Young.  I wrestle with the fact that I want the city of Detroit to gets it money, but I would also love to see this man end up back in jail.  Cockiness got him into office and now it looks like it is going to get him into the big house, as well (and not the one he lives comfortably in in Texas).


Same sex couples can be effective parents, reseearchers find.  "Shocking", the liberals proclaim while the Christian right hide in their home for fear of turning "gay".  Isn't it time that we treated everyone equally?!

Speaking of treating everyone equally, it is wonderful to see Cindy McCain, wife of loser, liar, waste of a Presidential candidate John McCain pose for a gay marriage ad.  Unfortunately her husband can't open his 90-year old eyes to see what equality looks like (or perhaps he isn't paid enough by the lobbyists to support this worthy cause).

Idol Exposed

Say it ain't so!  Everything we see with the audition rounds aren't completely accurate?!  Shocker (he said sarcastically)!  Richard Rushfield from the Daily Beast, exposes a number of "secret rituals".  Perhaps the most interesting fact (that I have heard from local Idol wannabes) is that Simon, Randy, and Kara see just a small number of contestants since the large number of folks shown at the beginning of the audition rounds have to go through a series of auditions to simply get the attention of the three judges.

Moving to the Orlando auditions, genius judge Kristin Chenoweth ("magic doors, they just open for me")  only sat in for one day of auditions after she couldn't figure out how to open the "magic doors" when the power went out.

As for those passed onto Hollywood, there were a number that I didn't feel were quality enough for the next round. 

The judges loved Seth Rollins, however outside of his tearjerker story,  he doesn't have the charisma, look, and over powerful voice needed to move past Hollywood. 

Taking a page from "Glee" where everyone is (rightfully) treated equally, the judges also liked partially paralyzed Shelby Dressel; while happy to see her pushed through, she too doesn't have the vocal chops for the top 24.  In order to go to Hollywood and/or be a singer this year, do you have to come with some sort of ailment or illness in your family?

The judges passed Cornelius Edwards onto Hollywood after cracking the judges up with his pant-splitting performance or as Seacrest calls it: "easy access".

And to add insult to injury, "Jersey Shore" rejects Bernadette and Amanda Desimone were passed off so that America could potentially laugh at more refuse from the state of NJ.

Of those that stood out tonight in my mind, Jermaine Purifoy lives up to his name by having one of the most pure voices this season.  And while a repeat of Blake Lewis, I actually liked Jay Stone who got through only after Randy was convinced by Paula Kara.  While he doesn't seem destined for the top 24 according to the leaked list of top 24 contenders, Matthew Lawrence brought his country soul along to make it onto Hollywood.

As for tonight's time wasters, a special thank you to Idol for wasting five minutes of my time with the black Ryan Seacrest, Theo Glinton.  Cut out from tonight's episode was Seacrest saying, "I haven't seen something as tight as his pants since Gerard Butler's abs in "300"."


Finally, props do go out to Simon for cracking the great and perfectly sarcastic, "yes or no?" after wretched soul Jarrod Norrell was escorted out in handcuffs.

Final Thoughts

Does anyone know what cell phone service Jack Bauer uses?  Bauer seems to have perfect reception in CTU's subterranean building yet I struggle to receive service in my own house!

NASA has discounted the price of its soon-to-be-retired space shuttles to $28,800,000 each...a savings of almost 32%!  What a deal! But wait, there's more.  Act now and they'll throw the main engines for FREE, a savings of $800,000.  I smell an informercial!

I had more crack delivered in my household on Monday via the guys fixing my carpet than found in a crack den in Detroit.

Can the airlines want to bend me over any further than they already have?  Not only are baggage fees higher, but apparently if you book award travel less than 21 days out, there is a "redemption fee" of either $100 or $150...seriously?!  Is the computer working harder less than 21 days out versus a month out?!  I am not sure who is a bigger douchebag, Delta or Ticketmaster, with all of their made up bullsh-t fees.  Bastards.

Speaking of the airlines, I really wish I was in a profession in which I could make folks like doctors and airlines wait an hour or more for my services.  What makes their time more valuable than mine?!

Detroit, the Craphole of the Midwest

 It really isn't nice that this little girl stole Seacrest's sign...what can you say, the guy is a dreamer.

And so another "American Idol" audition round is complete as they visited the Windy City or as Oompa Loompa Seacrest called it, the "Jewel of the Midwest".  Having lived in Chi-town, I will agree with that statement...I only take issue with that description because I can't think of one good thing to call Detroit should AI ever decide to visit our city.  Auto Capital of the World?  Not anymore.  Best sports town in America?  Hells no...have you seen our teams these days?  Hockeytown?  A decade ago.  Unfortunately what comes to mind are names like: the Cesspool of the Midwest, the Craphole of the Midwest, or the Best Crack Houses in the Midwest. 

As for tonight's guest judge, Idol succeeded in hosting another has-been as they followed up the early 90's success, Spice Girl Posh Beckham with the mid/late-90's success Shania Twain.  Can we get someone who has actually did something in the aught's?

Katelyn Epperly kicked things off showing off some lovely legs that matched a lovely face and voice...something tells me that we'll be seeing more of her this season (read on for more information on that statement).

Unfortunately this talented young girl was followed by Beef Jerky sponsor Amy Lang...another girl that unfortunately has unrealistic dreams of hooking up with Ryan Seacrest.  Unless Lang is hiding a salami underneath her jeans, I don't think she has much of a chance.

Youngster Charity Vance was fine but despite a mediocre performance that got her to Hollywood, unfortunately she is a few years off until she can potentially make an impact on a show like Idol.  Look out Royal Caribbean, looks like you have a future singer in your future.

Props to Angela Martin who has the sound for radio and finally makes it through to Hollywood after a few setbacks in years past.  While she seems to have the chops for radio, it doesn't appear that she will see the top 24.

Speaking of the top 24, a list of rumored top 20 (or the top 24) has been released.  While lists like these have to be taken with a grain of salt, the folks mentioned on the list seem to be those talented enough to make the top 24.  Check it out.

As for the poor singers, I must admit that Curley Newbern had me laughing out loud.  With a falsetto like someone holding Liberace by the b-lls (don't get too excited Seacrest), one has to wonder if Newbern kept his eyes closed during the audition so that he too didn't fall over from laughter like the judges.  The skeptic in me thinks this was yet another set up by someone seeking 15 seconds of fame.

Brian Krause, Donkey look alike from "Shrek", makes me wonder why they even give people like him 15 seconds and reminds me of the loser in high school who always tried to fit in.  Sorry ***** *********.

A final thought: in a world where stereotyping is a negative thing, why is it that the judges often respond, "I was surprised by your voice"? Translation: "You don't look like someone that can sing because of fill-in-the-blank (race, ethnicity, sexual preference, etc..)"  Classy...

Snore...

Lets start off by saying that if I were a baseball player, I would have had a pretty good game, finishing my predictions at 5 for 14 (.357).  Of course if this was school, I would have failed miserably.  I will go with the former since I am a competitive bastard who hates to lose.

Now onto the Golden Globes ceremony.  In one word: SNORE.  While the Golden Globes tend to be one of the more entertaining award shows since they allow the nominees and presenters to drink, we were unfortunately spared any unpredictable, unplanned moments.  Perhaps NBC should have allowed Mariah Carey an opportunity to present?  You couldn't miss her as she packed her twins in the tighest dress she could find. 

The theme of the night appeared to be cleavage...and a lot of it.  And while the show was extremely boring all night (even while watching it on DVR), that alone may rank it as one of the top award shows ever. 

As for the winners, I was disappointed to see "Avatar" take the prize for best film.  While Cameron understandably deserves the best director award as he amazingly designed almost every animal, blade of grass, and not to mention the invention of an entire language, the actual story rates a B-/C+ at best.

Also extremely disappointed that the Foreign Press went with the comfortable picks of Downey Jr. and Baldwin.  While Downey Jr. was fine in the part of Holmes, there were better actors this year.  Downey's movie ranks as one of the worst five movies this year...a convoluted and boring storyline. 

Great picks include "The Hangover" and "Glee" for best comedy movie and television show respectively along with Mo'Nique for "Precious".  Mo'Nique wins best speech for her eloquent and touching words.  If you haven't "The Hangover" or "Glee", you're really missing out.  While "The Hangover" will most likely insult most everyone, "Glee" does an outstanding job of treating people of all race, ethnicity, and/or handicap with respect.

For the women reading this, best dressed females included the beautiful Zoe Saldana,  the saltry Penelope Cruz in black, Fergie in violet, and Reese Witherspoon in a deep blue dress.

Worst dressed go to Letterman look-alike Anna Paquin in a gold disaster, Mariah Carey, and Chloe Sevigny. 

Ricky Gervais lived up to expectations with a few jokes that skewered those in the crowd, including Sir Paul McCartney and the biggest racist douche in Hollywood, Mel Gibson.

Final Thoughts

Anyone surprised that Tiger is now reportedly in rehab for sex addiction?  It was only a matter of time until his PR folks used this smart tactic.  Of course, having 15 girlfriends in addition to a wife may constitute him as a sex addict.  Personally, I think he may be crazy...listening to one woman complain is bad, but 15?!

"24" returns tonight for its eighth season...anyone else wonder how many times CTU be infiltrated with spies?

"Avatar" is on its way to becoming the second all-time grossing movie after overtaking "Star Wars" this weekend.  While it will be impressive if it overtakes "Titanic" to becomethe number one movie of all-time, it still trails the number of tickets that "Titanic" sold by 50%.  It is quite impressive that "Titanic" sold 130 million tickets and was in the top 10 for 6 months.

James Cameron's last two movies have grossed $3.4 billion worldwide...amazing.

Congrats to Brett Favre for showing that despite being 40 he is still one of the best playoff QBs around.  As for Tony Romo, it seems that he suffers from the Alex Rodriguez playoff syndrome. Romo once again showed that he can't bring the gusto come playoff time and now sports a 1-3 record in the playoffs.

I love Mitch Albom normally and I somewhat appreciate the Detroit auto industry (I appreciate the fact that they employ a large number of people in the state of Michigan, however the Big Three's failure to produce sleeker looking cars compared to the foreign automakers over the last 10 years and the fact that unions helped lead to the situation we're in now make it hard to feel too bad ), however I still don't get the thrill of the North American Auto Show every year.  Isn't that what dealerships are for?

Looks like it was theme night at the Golden Globes tonight...cleavage.

Speaking of cleavage, how did Mariah Carey get through security with those weapons hidden in her dress?  It is never good when your daughter asks why that girl has water balloons inside her.  I think I hate Mariah Carey as much as Speidi...it is a close race.

And That's How I See It

On "30 Rock" this week, James Franco guest starred on an episode titled, "Klaus and Greta"; during the episode, one of the characters referred to him as a "movie star"...the same term that was used by producers of "General Hospital" when he recently guest-starred for a number of episodes.

Now, while Franco has been in a number of movies including the "Spider Man" series, do people really consider him a "star"?  And just because he has been in movies, does that make him a "movie star"?  Does that make Shannon Tweed, B-movie extraordinaire, and Jenna Jameson, porn legend, "movie stars" as well?  After catching a few episodes of "General Hospital" as well as this week's episode of "30 Rock", I am not even sure if I would call him an actor.  Heck, Jenna Jameson may even be a better actor.  And "General Hospital" wonders why their ratings didn't see much of an increase, if at all.  The good news is that since I sing some of the top songs on the charts in the shower, I am now apparently a "hit singer".

Nice Globes (Predictions)

In advance of Hollywood's favorite party award shows tonight, I thought I'd share my thoughts on who should and who will win.  While I haven't seen all of the films and television shows mentioned below, my knowledge of each should be enough to make an educated guess.

Ricky Gervais should be a great host...I look forward to him roasting a number of pompous A and B-list celebrities.

 Best motion picture, drama

"Avatar"; "The Hurt Locker"; "Inglourious Basterds"; "Precious"; "Up in the Air" 
 Will win: "Up in the Air"
Should win: "Up in the Air" - In a year when we had less movies released due to the 2007 strike, the performances in "Up in the Air" along with its relevance in a time when unemployment is at its highest makes "Up in the Air" the movie to beat.

Best TV series, drama

"Big Love"; "Dexter"; "House"; "Mad Men"; "True Blood"

 Will win: "Mad Men"

Should win: "Lost" - Yes, I know it wasn't nominated, but last season's of "Lost" was its best since the first season, capped by a mind-blowing season finale.  No other show has a season premiere that has more people excited which means "Lost" was robbed this season.

Best motion picture, comedy or musical

"(500) Days of Summer"; "The Hangover"; "It's Complicated"; "Julie & Julia"; "Nine"
Will win: "Julie and Julia"
Should win (tie): "(500) Days of Summer" and "The Hangover"  - As one of my top five films this year, "(500) Days of Summer" was outstanding and a fresh approach to the typical romantic film.  While not a viable candidate for a real awards show (translation: The Oscars), "The Hangover" became the highest grossing R-rated film of all-time and caused major buzz with its over-the-top hijinks and its even more-over-the-top credits.

Best TV series, comedy or musical

"30 Rock"; "Entourage"; "Glee"; "Modern Family"; "The Office"  
Will win: "30 Rock"
Should win: "Modern Family" - While "30 Rock" is a quality show and will win because Hollywood loves nothing more than an inside joke on their industry, "Modern Family" has catapulted ABC back into the sitcom game with this hilarious and still endearing new comedy.  "Glee" loses in a close race for who "should win" even though it counts as a show that I can't miss week after week and for which I download every song.  Who knew that the writers in Hollywood actually had original ideas still left in them?!

Best actor in a motion picture, drama

Jeff Bridges, "Crazy Heart"; George Clooney, "Up in the Air"; Colin Firth, "A Single Man"; Morgan Freeman, "Invictus"; Tobey Maguire, "Brothers"
Will win: Jeff Bridges
Should win: George Clooney - While unfair in choosing Clooney over Bridges since I have not seen "Crazy Heart", Clooney's performance in "Up in the Air" truly made you feel for him...in good times and in bad. Morgan Freeman was good as Nelson Mandela, but not the best of this bunch.  Maguire was outstanding in "Brothers" (about the only thing that was outstanding in the movie), but still not the caliber of Clooney (and perhaps Bridges' performance).

Best actor in a TV series, drama

Simon Baker, "The Mentalist"; Michael C. Hall, "Dexter"; Jon Hamm, "Mad Men"; Hugh Laurie, "House"; Bill Paxton, "Big Love"
Will win: Hugh Laurie
Should win: I simply don't care.   While I watch more television than the normal full-time employed father of two children, none of these shows have ever interested me.  In a year when "24" finally rose from the ashes, it is a shame that Keifer Sutherland wasn't nominated.

Best actress in a motion picture, drama

Emily Blunt, "The Young Victoria"; Sandra Bullock, "The Blind Side"; Helen Mirren, "The Last Station"; Carey Mulligan, "An Education"; Gabourey Sidibe, "Precious"
Will win: Helen Mirren
Should win: Unknown.  Having only seen "The Blind Side" from this group, a movie that was pleasantly entertaining and that had a performance by Bullock that actually made me respect her and almost like her for the first time in my life, it is unfair for me to say who should win.  Hollywood seems to really like Mirren so I provide a guess that they will choose her. 

Best actress in a TV series, drama

Glenn Close, "Damages"; January Jones, "Mad Men"; Julianna Margulies, "The Good Wife"; Anna Paquin, "True Blood"; Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"
Will win (a toss-up): Glenn Close or Kyra Sedgwick

Should win: Another category in which it is unfair for me to guess as the only show I watch is "True Blood".  Knowing that Anna Paquin is by no means a "best actress", it will be between Close and Sedgwick.

Best actress in a motion picture, comedy or musical

Sandra Bullock, "The Proposal"; Marion Cotillard, "Nine"; Julia Roberts, "Duplicity"; Meryl Streep, "It's Complicated"; Meryl Streep, "Julie & Julia"
Will win: Meryl Streep
Should win: In a category where Streep represents 40% of the nominees, how can she not win?  While Roberts was entertaining in "Duplicity", it was by no means a "best actress" performance.  "Nine" performed too poorly at the box office for Cotillard to win and it is embarrassing to even nominate Bullock for a crappy comedy.  Streep takes the award home for her performance in "Julie and Julia". 

Best actress in a TV series, comedy or musical

Toni Collette, "United States of Tara"; Courteney Cox, "Cougar Town"; Edie Falco, "Nurse Jackie"; Tina Fey, "30 Rock"; Lea Michele, "Glee"
Will win: Tina Fey
Should win: Tina Fey - While Falco has strong potential to take the award home due to her popularity in Hollywood and for her track record on picking the right roles, Hollywood's love of themselves puts Fey as the one to beat.  Cox is simply annoying in a show that has grown stale and Michele, while entertaining as the irritating lead in "Glee", is not strong enough for an award-winning performance.

Best actor in a motion picture, comedy or musical

Matt Damon, "The Informant!"; Daniel Day-Lewis, "Nine"; Robert Downey Jr., "Sherlock Holmes"; Joseph Gordon-Levitt, "(500) Days of Summer"; Michael Stuhlbarg, "A Serious Man"
Will win: Stuhlberg

Should win: Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Levitt was great in this little-seen dramady.  The lack of popularity for "Nine" dooms Lewis and Downey Jr. did not deliver an award-winning performance in "Holmes".  Having not seen "The Informant" (a movie that rated well but did not perform well at the box office) and "A Serious Man", I will not comment on the performances.

Best actor in a TV series, comedy or musical

Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"; Steve Carell, "The Office"; David Duchovny, "Californication"; Thomas Jane, "Hung"; Matthew Morrison, "Glee"
Will win: Baldwin
Should win: David Duchovny - Duchovny's "Californication" is one of the best shows on television and Duchovny plays the sex-addict (if that is what you want to call him) so well that he even continued playing the role in real life.  Baldwin continues to bring a strong performance and will win again due to Hollywood's arrogance.  Carell, while funny, leads a show that has seen better days.  Jane is fine in "Hung" but the show's disappointing first season won't help win the award.  Morrison isn't an award-winning performer (even if he is a good singer/dancer).

Best supporting actor/Best supporting actress in a motion picture

Matt Damon, "Invictus"; Woody Harrelson, "The Messenger"; Christopher Plummer, "The Last Station"; Stanley Tucci, "The Lovely Bones"; Christoph Waltz, "Inglourious Basterds"
Will win: Damon
Should win: Unknown.  Simply a guess as I am only familiar with Damon and Tucci's performance, Damon was strong as the supporting character in Eastwood's "Invictus".  Critics say Waltz should take home the award.

Best supporting actress/Best supporting actor, TV

Jane Adams, "Hung"; Rose Byrne, "Damages"; Jane Lynch, "Glee"; Janet McTeer, "Into the Storm"; Chloë Sevigny, "Big Love" 
Will win: Lynch
Should win: Lynch - Lynch rises above the pack as the cruel, sarcastic, and always entertaining nemesis on the always amusing "Glee".


When all is said and done I will most likely be incorrect on most of these, but then again, I am just some schmuck sitting at home making predictions that will most likely not be read by many people.  What is most important is that the ladies look hot tonight and that Gervais skewers the industry.

Final Thoughts

Any way that I can get my company to offer me a new job and then have someone steal it out from under me in exchange for millions of dollars? If rumors are true, Conan will get $30-40 million to walk away AND have his no-compete clause voided.  Props to Conan if true.

If the stupid f-ck who tried to blow up the plane on Christmas day thought he was going to be rewarded with 500 virgins for blowing himself up, was the placement of a bomb in his underwear the best idea?!

Props to the crazy whore whose online video claiming that she gave AIDS to a number of people through unprotected sex caused a small frenzy in Detroit today; while fairly inappropriate, it caused a number of people to get tested and think twice before leaving the house unprotected.   Of course the bigger question is why so many men thought this horrifically ugly chick looked like someone they slept with.  Besides drive-by shootings, kids shooting themselves with their parents' guns, and the worst school system in the country, apparently the men of Detroit will sleep with anything that has a pulse.

Someone at work mentioned that Tiger Woods sent his plane down to Haiti to assist.  Has Tiger slept with all of the women in the U.S. that now he has to import them from earthquake-ravaged Haiti?!

Please text HAITI to 90999 for a $10 donation to the American Red Cross and efforts to help those in Haiti.

Take a Pill, Rush

http://heroesnhunks.com/images/politics/rush-limbaugh.jpg

Rush Limbaugh showed himself to be a pompous c-cksucker once again when he made comments that President Obama was "trying to score political points off the earthquake in Haiti".   On top of that, he questioned whether money donated to Haiti would actually end up there, adding that the U.S. has "already donated to Haiti. It's called the U.S. income tax." Could this guy BE a bigger a--hole?

I am a fan of pushing the envelope, but this guy is simply a douche bag.  You have to love that Limbaugh calls a caller "close-minded"...this coming from a guy who wouldn't know the Left even if it fisted him from behind. Then again with all of the foot stomping in bathrooms and extra-marital affairs occurring in the Republican party, Limbaugh might actually enjoy that.  Of course, that would require someone who is a chubby chaser or as some call it, a 'bear'.

Not to be outdone, the poor excuse for a man of the cloth, Rev. Pat Robertson essentially said that the Haitians brought this upon themselves because Haitians "made a pact with the devil."   Never have I wanted voo doo to work more in my life.

I simply can't understand how anyone can see these people as educated.  Here is to Rush hopefully popping a few too many pills and the Reverend sticking his c-ck in the wrong little boy.

Final Thoughts

How long until a major music artist records the hottest song to hit the Internet, “Pants on the Ground” made famous by General Larry Platt? I guarantee that it will be sung by someone big during the finale of “American Idol” if not before. Amateurs are already all over it online (with a few really good ones…check out the second video and the chick in the last video).

US Magazine reports that Kate Gosselin hates her $7,000 hair extensions. Four things: 1) People would kill for $7,000 in this economy...especially when not wasted on your ratty hair. 2) Besides sticking a cork in your va-jay-jay, stick a cork in that mouth of yours as well…no wonder that Ed Hardy-wearing guy dropped you. 3) Who cares? 4) I hate you (if you couldn’t tell that already).

If things ever go south with my wife, do you think Mila Kunis might consider dating me? I think she has now become my #1…sorry Rachel Bilson looks like you’ll have to get in line!

January 22nd will be a dark day for television when Conan O’Brien signs off network television for an unknown period of time. The good news is that when he is back, he will most likely end up on Fox where he can go back to the quality talk show that he conducted at the 12:35 time slot. The truth is that The Tonight Show with Conan at 11:35 was not a great show because Conan had to pander to old f-cks with no sense of humor who have been mainstays of the Tonight Show. Welcome back Masturbating Bear, I can’t wait to see you again!

While Conan O’Brien will be greatly missed when he goes off the air next week, there may be no funnier interviewer than late night talk show host Craig Ferguson. Without notes for each interview, Ferguson knows how to conduct a fun and many times completely off-topic interview with his guests.

While not a viewer of “The Bachelor”, do the chicks on this show really think they’re going to find love? The romnatic in me wants to think that they’re in it for love, but the realist in me thinks that they must be going on it to break into showbiz. Perhaps these folks have to look at a few track records for this show. First, the only people that actually got a good amount of press were Trista and Ryan and where are they now? Second, it seems the track record for Bachelor couples is even worse than the divorce rate (~50%) in this country.

Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue

As I stare at the computer bleary-eyed after a two hour nap, I realize how great it is that the end of the week is FINALLY here.  If 2.5 days of meetings wasn't long enough (after 2.5 days of meetings the week prior), my household didn't include just one sick kid, but two! And if that wasn't enough, it looks like my time on earth may be more limited than I once thought.

While watching the news this week on the telly and reading online, I determined I am really f-cked.  I just read an article that couch potatoes may have shorter lives.  For one, F-CK! While obvious, this is definitely a fact that doesn't help my life nor my blog! 

And now on the heels of that article, I heard another obvious yet depressing fact that "getting too little increases the risk of health problems, including memory impairment and a weakened immune system." Can someone throw some good news my way?  While I like being out of the norm, apparently my less than six hour sleep a night is in the minority (1 out of 6). 

So my apologies to my family as apparently my poor eating habits and lack of exercise will not be the death of me...my love of watching television into the wee hours of the night will!  Let's just hope I make it to see how "Lost" ends!

An Aeroplane to Hollywood

So it looks like we are in for a long few weeks as we suffer through the audition rounds…another night of people seeking their 15 seconds of fame with a few quality singers mixed in. Tonight Idol even got thisclose to jumping the shark with dramatizations of country bumbkin Jesse Hamilton almost biting the dust twice in his life. Idol is supposed to be a singing competition, correct?

We were lucky enough to at least have a guest judge (Mary J Blige) tonight that actually has talent and at least a valuable comment or two. Sh-t, the only reason most people like looking at Posh Spice is because David Beckham is generally on her arm. Posh can feel free to stay overseas as America has enough no-talent anorexic “celebrities” (like the cast of The Hills) to follow stateside.

As for Fox’s take on the word ‘hilarious’, since when was a girl dressed up as a guitar hilarious? Perhaps this girl would be considered hilarious on NBC which hasn’t produced a hit sitcom in many years. Heck, they find Jay Leno funny so perhaps this girl might get to take over the Tonight Show! Well at least for seven months until Jay decides he wants that show too.

Guitar girl along with a few others like Vanessa Wolfe, Holly Harden, and Mallorie Haley made it look as if Idol is desperate to find the next Carrie Underwood.

Country girl Vanessa Wolfe is gonna get herself on an aeroplane to Hollywood. Looks like if she doesn’t proceed past the Hollywood rounds that she and her family can at least star in a real life Beverly Hillbillies.

The only talent that I saw tonight belonged to Jermaine Sellers who brought a nice R&B/soul sound to the contest that hasn’t been seen in a male singer in years.

Most satisfying part of the night belonged to Carmen Turner going onto Hollywood while her BFF Lauren Sanders was sent home. Looks like Lauren really should have sung “Jizz in My Pants”.

BTW, does every contestant have an ailment in their family this year? Alzheimer’s, cancer….I can’t figure out if I am watching “American Idol” or “Brian’s Song”.

And as for Paula? Apparently, like me, America doesn’t miss her too much as 30 million people turned in for the season premiere last night. Great career move…then again I haven’t been this excited about someone quitting since Sarah Palin left her Governer position in Alaska.

And That's How I See It

Honestly, what the f-ck is wrong with people? While reading clickondetroit.com (http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/22225366/detail.html) this morning I read that a baby was admitted to the hospital and it was determined that the baby had cocaine in its system. It is bad enough that people can’t hide their guns well enough, but now we have to worry about parents leaving their drugs around? I hope that the cocaine was mistakenly left out and that it was not given to the baby by someone in the baby’s household as that seems even more cruel than physically abusing a child. What happened to parenting skills?!

If a 16-year old has to go through extensive training to get their license in order to own the responsibility of driving a car, can we start making people who procreate have to get a license to be a parent?! How many more times do I have to watch the news only to hear of a child shooting themselves or a friend because their useless parent(s) had a gun in the house? “But I had it locked up,” they say after the fact…well guess what Einstein, your little kid figured out how to pick the lock and do you know what that makes them? SMARTER THAN YOU! Oh, and dead. Nice job.

Final Thoughts

Delta raised the price of the price to check one and/or two bags…can’t the airlines simply raise the fares, hiding these ridiculous fees? Who runs the marketing departments for this airline? Same ones running the marketing department for Chrysler and GM?!

Bring out the yellow pages or pillow as rumors have Ryan Seacrest taking over Simon’s chair at the judges table.

Why does Mother Nature hate-y Haiti so much?

Canada history magazine, The Beaver, is changing its name because of its sexual connotation…will farming magazine Big Cock change its name next?

Who needs friends when we have Jay Leno to stab you in the back?

Final Thoughts (Originally Posted January 12th)

Does anyone else wish that Tony Soprano would whack the cast of Jersey Shore?

After MJ died cancelling a trip to London and “Spiderman Turn Off the Dark” was postponed for a second time cancelling a trip to NY, how long until Vegas goes dark cancelling a soon-to-be-scheduled trip there?

If “24” were to take place on March 14, 2010, the day of Daylight Savings Time, would the show spring forward an hour?

Who do you think is shorter in person, Verne Troyer (mini me) or Ryan Seacrest?

Will NBC ever dig themselves out of fourth place when they can’t even work out their late night programming?

How great would it be to have George W. Bush join Sarah Palin’s new Fox News show? It could be an updated version of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”!

And That's How I See It (Originally Posted January 12th)

‘I wish I had never taken steroids’ says Mark McGwire. Really? Really? Or is it that you wish you never got caught? As I see it, McGwire came out publicly with this not-so-shocking reveal for two reasons:

1) He received a measly ~20% this year for induction into the Hall of Fame and knows that a public reveal is the only way to increase votes in the future.
2) Acting as baseball coach for the St. Louis Cardinals starting this season, it would be impossible for McGwire to stay out of the limelight for any longer.

Oh how I feel for this poor guy who made millions of dollars for his purposeful doping while breaking some very long-held records. Oh wait, it is wrong for me to be critical as according to McGwire he used steroids and HGH to help him recover from injuries not to enhance his performance. Right…and Clinton not only didn’t inhale but also didn’t receive fellatio from a fat chick.

Take away any records McGwire accomplished while doped up and drop him from future Hall of Fame votes. It is time to make an example of one of these goons who doped themselves for monetary and professional gain.

This is American Idol (Originally Posted January 12th)

This is American Idol…the last season?! In what may be the last season due to a now rotating judges table, a new season began tonight. Before we get to tonight’s season premiere however, I can’t help but comment on a very busy offseason for America’s once favorite water cooler reality show. Paula, Ellen, Adam Lambert, Simon …where to begin.

Let us start with Paula or more importantly the ousting of Paula. After contract talks hit a wall (apparently Idol wouldn’t keep re-filling Paula’s medical cabinet), Paula decided to walk away from the only job where she was allowed to be (purportedly) high while working. While she will not be greatly missed in my household since she added no substance to a show that already lacks substance, her rumored drug-riddled feedback will be missed as it provided great fodder for my weekly blogs.. And so we are left with weeks of random guest judges followed by the induction of Ellen DeGeneres to the judge’s table.

Jury still out on Ellen. While Ellen is one of the more amusing talk show hosts, one has to hope that she doesn’t simply replace Paula with unhelpful and bordering on crazy comments. If the first thing out of your mouth is how great the singer looks, just tell them that they should be trying out for “America’s Next Top Model” not “American Idol”. While I do vote often based on looks, I am allowed to…I am a man.

Following news of Abdul’s departure, Adam Lambert made news with what was apparently a too homoerotic performance for ABC during the AMA Awards. Apparently a little bit of grinding and a male-on-male kiss was as much a scare for network television as Janet Jackson’s boob falling out during the Super Bowl. With the networks running scared from the FCC, Lambert was all but banned from ABC following his performance.

Now seriously, can America please find something else to fixate on besides a Madonna-esque performance by a male? Thank G-d for the Christmas plane hijack attempt as we still might have been talking about this today!

To the network executives: show whatever you want after 10:00 p.m.

To the parents who complained to the networks about this performance: welcome to 2010 and the new America. Put away your right-wing beliefs and embrace every person no matter their race, religion, or sexual preference. Your G-d already thinks you’re a prude for only having sex when it is for procreation…don’t you realize that he probably appreciates a good grinding every now and then? At least someone is most likely getting off! And as for a simple performance turning your little precious boy into a little girl? Worry more about the fact that little Jimmy is playing hide the bologna with little Chris down the street while simultaneously sexting little Johnny.

Finally to Simon Cowell and his exit stage left at the end of the season. Despite making a rumored $36 million each year, Cowell obviously realizes the cash cow in bringing his own show stateside and the opportunity to get away from a ratings sinking ship (granted a slow sinking ship). Personally I am excited about “The X Factor” to the U.S. as it hopefully will solve three big problems for Idol:

1) No more poor song choice. Judges act as mentors playing a role in everything from clothes to choreography to the most important factor, song choice. How refreshing will it be when you don’t have to hear, “yo dawg, I didn’t dig the song choice”? And how great would it be if an X-Factor contestant retorted, “Yo f—knuts, you selected the song. If you think you can do better, why don’t you get your fat a—up here?!”

2) Relegates the smallest man in America, Ryan Seacrest, to radio and like the groundhog, only allows him to come out once a year for the ball dropping (granted he still hasn’t come out yet and when referring to once a year ball dropping, I am not counting the teabagging that may be occurring on the side).

3) No age limit. While I pray that we don’t have a similar voiced Susan Boyle in America (yes, she is talented but I really can’t stand to hear overly produced opera and that ‘dream’ song one more time), there has to be a singer 28 or older that is more talented than Kris Allen and other past winners.

Tonight’s Idol
Unlike years past when I would blog perhaps ad nauseum, I simply can’t get excited or find enough to blog about the audition rounds. Between those that simply want their 15 seconds of fame and the background stories that showcase those that will then move forward, Hollywood is really the first time that we get to see the real talent. With that said, I will share a few thoughts from tonight:

In place of the no-talent Paula Abdul, we got the even less talented and pig-nosed former Spice Girl, Victoria Beckham. I never thought there could be a more useless judge than Paula, but Victoria Beckham showed that when you don’t eat, you apparently also don’t get the strength up to make one valuable comment.

The guys seemed to be focused on more tonight with radio friendly voices like Luke Shaffer and Tyler Grady and pure singers like Benjamin Bright and Justin Williams moving onto Hollywood. While they gave Joshua Blaylock a hard time for being too nice, he could be a dark horse that makes it into the top 20.

As for the girls, I wasn’t overly enthused with any of the performances. Ashley Rodriguez who the judges loved looked good and sounded fine, but there has to be better talent out there than this girl. Leah Laurenti was fine, but not so original. Perhaps best was 16-year old Katie Stevens was the only other standout tonight with her strong voice at such a young age.

Personally, I would have preferred to watch Luke Shaffer, Benjamin Bright and some unknown guy jam on the guitar as was shown earlier in the show…perhaps that is a sign of things to come with “The X Factor” and its group portion of the show.

Welcome to My Lunacy (Originally Posted January 11th)

It has been some time since I've wanted to start a blog and I figure why not start now...it being a new year and all. 

Now please don't think that it was a "New Year's resolution" to start my own blog.  Resolutions are for losers.  Harsh, you say?  I think not. 

Think back to all of the times (maybe even including this year) that you made a resolution only to break it...perhaps it did not happen on the second day of the year or perhaps even the second week...by the end of the year, I can safely bet that you broke it.

No more cigarettes?  Remember that time you drank too much and then lit up in the bar? 

Time to diet.  I guess we won't count that box of Pringles you downed in one sitting…you fat f-ck.  You know what they say: once you pop, you can't stop.

No more red meat?  Pull your panties back up you little b-tch and eat like a man.  If G-d did not want us to eat red meat, he would not have invented cows nor Ruth's Chris Steak House.

Yes, if you made a resolution at some point in your past, I am calling you a loser...get over it.

Anyway, this first blog is simply a nice outlet for me to let loose on news of the day, favorite television shows and movies, or perhaps just an idiot that bothered me during the day.  In time, I hope that this creative outlet allows me to start writing the movie that has been developing in my head for some time...and no I will not tell you about it as I believe you will try to steal my idea.

I am who I am and I warn you now that should you decide to follow this blog, I will insult you in one way or another.  Political correctness is a bunch of bullsh-t reserved for full of sh-t politicians and some of my closest friends.  I push the envelope, I cross the line, and f-ck yeah, I like it!

Welcome and enjoy the ride.