Having been out of town on vacation last week, I missed the opportunity to blog about last week's Idol performances and the subsequent ousting of the exceptionally beautiful and reasonably talented Pia Toscano. As soon as it was announced that Toscano was the performer going home, the blogosphere lit up with rants and raves on how such a thing could happen. Billboard offered their own theories which I am happy to comment on and then expand further with my own theory. Billboard's theories included:
1) Girls don't like girls: Couldn't agree more. With only two girls now left, it is apparent that those that actually waste their time voting for their favorite performer are in fact (young) girls. As for why Toscano was chosen this week when she is one of the top two talented females on the show this year, it is very apparent why: girls don't only dislike other girls...they greatly dislike hot girls. Look at a pack of girls at the mall and you are guaranteed to find one shorter, fatter, uglier girl with the bunch. Why? Because girls are so charitable and want to help this poor troll? Nope...it is that shorter, fatter, uglier girl makes the other girls feel better about themselves. When young girls looked at Pia, all they saw was a shorter, fatter, uglier girl in the mirror and guaranteed they didn't like it.
2) Lack of guidance by the judges: While this year's talent does seem to be more talented than recent years, these kids are also far from perfect. The judges bestow such positive accolades you almost feel like each of these kids will put out a #1 album. Unfortunately for each of them, if the past is any indication, the majority will be lucky to sell 50,000 albums.
Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson at times try to offer some guidance, but overall the judges are way too positive with their feedback. Having watched the performances after knowing who was kicked off, it is interesting to note that these two actually gave Toscano more constructive criticism (which some view as negative feedback) than any of the other contestants last week.
Steven Tyler continues to be completely useless with only positive words and way-too-creepy leers at the girls. With only two girls left, it looks like we will soon see Tyler's other side when he leers at the boys. With some of his leers, I seriously feel like he is the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood just waiting to eat one of the female performers.
3) Presumptive Winner Syndrome: Every season we get to a point where a contestant who is more talented than most of the others is voted off and then we have to continually listen to the judges rant and rave about how important it is to vote for your favorite performer. Granted, America usually gets it wrong later in the competition, but I don't really understand why America is so up in arms about Toscano or really any other performer for that matter. Looking at every year except when Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood won, the runner-up or those finishing even lower (Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson) outsell those who win. Would you really want to have to sing that cheesy winning song and then release it as a single?!
A note to the judges: if you are going to make a big deal every year about too-talented contestants being voted off early then CHANGE THE VOTING! While I haven't watched "Dancing With the Stars" in years, it seems that their voting model works: 50% of the outcome is based on America's voting with the other 50% being the judge's votes. Do the producers really think America is smart enough to pick the best person? Looking at the number of albums sold by the winner every year, the answer is no, but more on that in just a minute.
4) The producers deemed it so: A stupid theory that the producers rigged the competition. What is interesting is that this is the first year that we aren't hearing about the controversial Vote for the Worst where the public votes for the worst contestant each week just to f-ck with the show.
5) You can't touch Tina: Another stupid Billboard theory. While I admit that it is dumb to tackle artists like Mariah Carey and Celine Dion, Toscano proved me wrong this year.
Now for my theory and one that I seem to share every year: AMERICA IS STUPID. Leave the fact that America continually ranks behind a number of countries in math and science (heck, probably English as well!), what other reason could there be? Let's look at some of the reasons why America is stupid and probably shouldn't be trusted fully with voting for the best singer:
1) Almost 10 million people watch a bunch of poorly acted, overly tan, moronic 20-somethings fight, drink and tan every week. Yes, I am talking to you pathetic people who watch "Jersey Shore" each week.
2) Because of the pathetic American people who watch "Jersey Shore" these poorly acting, overly tan, moronic 20-somethings just received a raise to over $100,000...AN EPISODE!
3) Our highly respected educational establishments are paying poorly acting, overly tan, moronic, midget, oompa-loompas like Snooki more money to speak than highly respected people like Maya Angelou. That's right, Snooki was paid $32,000 to speak at Rutgers recently when they paid Angelou just $30,000.
4) Look at the covers of magazines like Us and OK and every other week you see girls from some television show called "Teen Moms". These girls are now glamorized for being young and having kids out of wedlock...know what we used to call these girls when I was in high school? Sluts.
5) America voted George W. Bush into office.
6) America voted George W. Bush back in office.
At the end of the day, Toscano is going to be fine. Already, she has probably received more media attention than she ever would have received if she finished in any spot but the top. And Idol? They love the attention. Since the beginning of the season, Idol has continually seen a drop in ratings and there is nothing better than having the media spotlight back on the show to give it a spike. Hmm...perhaps theory #4 above isn't so crazy after all.
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