Thursday's Rants and Raves

Perhaps he'll spend of his $258 million winnings to fix his teeth.

Ready. Aim. Fire.

Looks like Bret Michaels may not be momma's "Fallen Angel" after all.

It's official: Charlie Sheen is having a midlife crisis.  He shaved his head.  He was caught visiting a $3,000 hooker.  And he has split with his wife (I guess beating her up is not a good start).  What a good guy...

Big penis?  Forget about being a cop in Indonesia.  The wives of police officers place flags at half mast.

Someone wants to pay Ricky Martin $20 million for a book deal?  MUY LOCO!

Instead of rohypnol will men resort to dropping a new Pfizer drug in a woman's drink?

Shy pee'ers fear this guy.

Yet another reason why Detroit deserves the reputation is has

Kevorkian's van taken off life support on eBay.

Britney Spear's manager is trying to convince the producers of "Glee" to do an all-Britney Spears episode.  Apparently the music will start off wholesome, then turn into a chaotic and utter mess followed by a trampy recovery.

A third of women say pets listen better than husbands.  What the survey fails to mention is that 100% of men would listen to their wives if they could spend all day licking themselves.

God has a sick sense of humor...but at least he hates Spencer Pratt too.

Former President George W. Bush to release his memoir. Rumors has it that it will be written at a 1st grade level.

Never take money away from an old Jewish man.

Tabloid mags are in shock that the pals, friends and sources of the world failed to scoop Sandra Bullock's adoption of a baby boy.

If Matt Millen were making the calls, he would most likely call the Croatian team a bunch of Polacks after this play.

Mexico is alerting their residents about travel in the U.S.?!  Have they not traveled to Ciudad Juarez?!

One time when Jenny Craig and horse can be used in the same sentence without too much insult.

Detroit police at their finest.

God bless the good people of NYC...if there are any.

Favorite textfromlastnight: (419): So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?

Favorite testfromlastnight: (817): My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.

Idol Not a Complete Twain Wreck

With an introduction that made me feel as if I were watching the Village People (including a construction worker), Idol picked the music of Shania Twain for tonight's performances.  A whole night of Shania Twain songs?  Really?  Unsure how Idol made a U-turn from pandering to the younger viewers with tools like Justin Beiber and Joe Jonas to a night of a singer that most people could care less about now.  I can understand allowing the contestants to choose any country song, but relegating them to music that most of the viewers are completely not familiar with?  I don't get it.

Lee DeWyze took on mentor Shania Twain's "You're Still the One" and didn't completely butcher it.  However, with a large catalog of Shania Twain songs, I am unsure why DeWyze chose a cheesy song like this (not that most aren't cheesy).  With all of that said, the judges seemed to like it.

Michael Lynche took on "It Only Hurts When I am Breathing" and brought an outstanding R&B vibe to a song that most people (including myself) are unfamiliar with.  Smooth.

"Don't" showed off a much more restrained Casey James which showed that James may have success not only in the world of bluesy rock, but also country rock. 

Crystal Bowersox showed that she can take on any genre when she strummed and sung  "No One Needs to Know".  The judges didn't love it, but once again, Bowersox held her own.

High schooler Aaron Kelly finally found his genre (one which I stated was the right genre for him from the beginning) when he belted out "You've Got a Way".  By far his best performance, but that isn't saying much for a kid who doesn't bring anything special to the competition. Now if this kid could just find a personality.

Finishing the night, Siobhan Magnus' "Any Man of Mine" continued to show off her powerful voice, however one has to wonder how much longer she can do that without completely annoying America.  Yes, we know you can sing...just tone it down a bit.  For me, she has hit that point where I no longer want to hear her sing.

Tough to say who is going to go home, however if I had to take a guess, I would think that Aaron Kelly is most at risk with perhaps Michael Lynche wearing out his welcome (hopefully not). 

As for the two numbers for each contestants?  AI, stop pretending that so many people are actually voting that you need a second phone number.  There is a reason that you haven't boasted about the number of votes each week.

Only five or so more weeks until this nightmare is over...

Wednesday Rants and Raves

  10,000 women vote Christina Hendicks as the best looking woman in the most recent edition of Esquire, more proof that women really don't know what they are talking about.

Looks like it is not Sandra Bullock's year...now she has been asked to return her Razzie.  Perhaps they will give it to Michelle "Bombshell" McGee since she already took Bullock's husband.

Tick tock...the mistresses' 15 minutes of fame are almost up and it looks like a competition to see who can last the longest with two acting as host of a new reality show about celebrity cheating.  Was Rielle Hunter not available?

Say cheese!  The Lower Merion School District admits that it took 56,000 photos of students from their school provided laptops.

And here I thought Mother Nature was the cause for earthquakes around the world.  Apparently I was wrong...looks like they are the result of women who wear immodest clothing and behave promiscuously .

Apparently James Bond can be killed...or at least subdued.

David Hasselhoff's career is really hurting these days...after being fired from "America's Got Talent", Hasselhoff has announced that he is returning to daytime and "The Young and the Restless".

You know that soaps are in trouble when not only David Hasselhoff is a draw but when ABC looks to replace one with a Tori Spelling talk show!  I can just imagine the "Free Donna Martin" t-shirts in the crowd now.  What the hell happened to quality TV?!

Kate Gosselin axed from "Dancing With the Stars".  Half of America wishes she was just axed.

Michael Axtmann just became the luckiest man in the world.  Did he win the lottery?  Not exactly, but close...Tara Reid broke off her engagement to him.

A study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project found that 1/3 of teens with a cell phone text more than 100 times a day.  I remember when I actually used a cell phone to call someone.  Sh-t, I actually remember when I carried out conversations in person!

Lindsay Lohan at an alcohol-sponsored event?!  GET OUT!  Next thing you are going to tell me is that Corey Haim overdosed on pills...oh wait...oops.

Note to musicians: if you die, Cirque du Soleil is going to turn your music into a trippy show.

Simon Cowell calls his appearance on Larry King this week 'uncomfortable'.  Think that is uncomfortable?  Imagine how uncomfortable it was for his soon-to-be ex-wife when she had to have sex with that corp?!  Simon, you got off easy!

An Idol State of Mind

When I heard Ryan Seacrest mention that we were going to hear great music tonight, I got excited that  the Idol producers kicked off the remaining contestants and replaced them with real talent.  Alas no luck and we were treated to the top seven.

Casey James started the night off with a rasp-filled "Don't Stop" which was all there musically, but failed to excite as James stood behind the microphone once again.  What happened to bringing the crowd into the performance?  What about showmanship?

Lee DeWyze followed with a quality version of "The Boxer" that provided a little spin of his own on this Simon & Garfunkel classic and even made it sound current.

Teflon Tim wished he had "Better Days" as he went back to the pitchy days from the past and underwhelmed the judges.  That said, this modern day David Cassidy seems to be safe as the under 16 female crowd will most likely continue putting all of their votes toward T2.

The kid that I most want to bully, Aaron Kelly, destroyed R Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".  While Kelly found himself at the end, my ears bled during the first half.  A little fact: if Aaron Kelly were a girl, R Kelly would be trying to sleep with her and pee on her right now.

Siobhan Magnus took on "If You Believe" and bored the viewers immensely.  Magnus looked the best she has all season, however I am simply confused on what kind of artist Magnus is and wants to be.   This chickadee can sing, but the song was simply too maudlin for me.

Michael Lynche continued his Seal-like sound with a karaoke sounding "Hero", a far cry from the original  but hopefully enough to push him through one more week.

Taking the last spot for the night once again was favorite Crystal Bowersox with a beautiful sounding "People Get Ready".  One of my favorite songs (recently redone extremely well by the talented Seal), Bowersox didn't disappoint with a performance that brought her to tears.  Without her guitar, Bowersox wowed the judges and fans alike.  As I continue to watch Bowersox, I am starting to see a career similar to the extremely talented Joss Stone...someone who will never be the best selling artist out there, but someone who will amaze people with her amazing voice.

Look for Aaron Kelly to lose his wings.

Friday Rants and Raves

Hey Melissa, I hear Rosie is available...

Parents: lock up your teenage daughters, Larry King is single again.

In other breakup news, perhaps purported Nazi fan Jesse James would be willing to date Hitler's bastard son Mel Gibson.

Looks like Ryan Seacrest has been drinking Paula Abdul's "special" juice.

A re-hash of the Crips vs. the Bloods?

Alexa Ray Joel follows in her mom, Christie Brinkley's footsteps, except Brinkley didn't look like a truck hit her and probably could sing better too.

Looks like Elizabeth Taylor has a new victim to participate in wheelchair sex with.  Does having sex with her constitute necrophilia?

Do you think Phil Mickelson was thanking wife Amy for being one of the few women left in America not to sleep with Tiger after his Masters victory?

Barry Bonds saying he is proud of Mark McGwire is a little like Ted Bundy saying he is proud of Charles Manson.

A Winona comeback?  "Cheaters" is a much better title than the real life drama she last starred in: "Shoplifter".

Wow, a story about a rapper and guns...how original!

William Hung's fatter and awfully coifed brother (not really) wows the audience of a Taiwanese television show (the kid is actually pretty good...even if he apparently has no balls).

Comic book fans everywhere blow a load when they learn Joss Whedon will direct "The Avengers".

Check out musicians before they were famous...sh-t, Stefani Germanotta (aka Lady Gaga) actually looks like a real girl and Chris Brown isn't putting the smackdown on a woman.

Have to love the Danes who protest when they're only allowed to drink alcohol during lunch.  Oh to be a Dane...

Perhaps Jesse James can attend sex rehab with Tiger and get a discount?

Justin Beiber, whoever the f-ck you are, it is not that the cover picture of you in 'People' magazine is bad, it is just that you're pretty f-cking ugly.

"Ugly Betty" the movie?!  No one wanted to watch "Ugly Betty" the television show!

Favorite textfromlastnight: (828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.