Friday Rants and Raves

Hey Melissa, I hear Rosie is available...

Parents: lock up your teenage daughters, Larry King is single again.

In other breakup news, perhaps purported Nazi fan Jesse James would be willing to date Hitler's bastard son Mel Gibson.

Looks like Ryan Seacrest has been drinking Paula Abdul's "special" juice.

A re-hash of the Crips vs. the Bloods?

Alexa Ray Joel follows in her mom, Christie Brinkley's footsteps, except Brinkley didn't look like a truck hit her and probably could sing better too.

Looks like Elizabeth Taylor has a new victim to participate in wheelchair sex with.  Does having sex with her constitute necrophilia?

Do you think Phil Mickelson was thanking wife Amy for being one of the few women left in America not to sleep with Tiger after his Masters victory?

Barry Bonds saying he is proud of Mark McGwire is a little like Ted Bundy saying he is proud of Charles Manson.

A Winona comeback?  "Cheaters" is a much better title than the real life drama she last starred in: "Shoplifter".

Wow, a story about a rapper and guns...how original!

William Hung's fatter and awfully coifed brother (not really) wows the audience of a Taiwanese television show (the kid is actually pretty good...even if he apparently has no balls).

Comic book fans everywhere blow a load when they learn Joss Whedon will direct "The Avengers".

Check out musicians before they were famous...sh-t, Stefani Germanotta (aka Lady Gaga) actually looks like a real girl and Chris Brown isn't putting the smackdown on a woman.

Have to love the Danes who protest when they're only allowed to drink alcohol during lunch.  Oh to be a Dane...

Perhaps Jesse James can attend sex rehab with Tiger and get a discount?

Justin Beiber, whoever the f-ck you are, it is not that the cover picture of you in 'People' magazine is bad, it is just that you're pretty f-cking ugly.

"Ugly Betty" the movie?!  No one wanted to watch "Ugly Betty" the television show!

Favorite textfromlastnight: (828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.