This is American Idol…the last season?! In what may be the last season due to a now rotating judges table, a new season began tonight. Before we get to tonight’s season premiere however, I can’t help but comment on a very busy offseason for America’s once favorite water cooler reality show. Paula, Ellen, Adam Lambert, Simon …where to begin.
Let us start with Paula or more importantly the ousting of Paula. After contract talks hit a wall (apparently Idol wouldn’t keep re-filling Paula’s medical cabinet), Paula decided to walk away from the only job where she was allowed to be (purportedly) high while working. While she will not be greatly missed in my household since she added no substance to a show that already lacks substance, her rumored drug-riddled feedback will be missed as it provided great fodder for my weekly blogs.. And so we are left with weeks of random guest judges followed by the induction of Ellen DeGeneres to the judge’s table.
Jury still out on Ellen. While Ellen is one of the more amusing talk show hosts, one has to hope that she doesn’t simply replace Paula with unhelpful and bordering on crazy comments. If the first thing out of your mouth is how great the singer looks, just tell them that they should be trying out for “America’s Next Top Model” not “American Idol”. While I do vote often based on looks, I am allowed to…I am a man.
Following news of Abdul’s departure, Adam Lambert made news with what was apparently a too homoerotic performance for ABC during the AMA Awards. Apparently a little bit of grinding and a male-on-male kiss was as much a scare for network television as Janet Jackson’s boob falling out during the Super Bowl. With the networks running scared from the FCC, Lambert was all but banned from ABC following his performance.
Now seriously, can America please find something else to fixate on besides a Madonna-esque performance by a male? Thank G-d for the Christmas plane hijack attempt as we still might have been talking about this today!
To the network executives: show whatever you want after 10:00 p.m.
To the parents who complained to the networks about this performance: welcome to 2010 and the new America. Put away your right-wing beliefs and embrace every person no matter their race, religion, or sexual preference. Your G-d already thinks you’re a prude for only having sex when it is for procreation…don’t you realize that he probably appreciates a good grinding every now and then? At least someone is most likely getting off! And as for a simple performance turning your little precious boy into a little girl? Worry more about the fact that little Jimmy is playing hide the bologna with little Chris down the street while simultaneously sexting little Johnny.
Finally to Simon Cowell and his exit stage left at the end of the season. Despite making a rumored $36 million each year, Cowell obviously realizes the cash cow in bringing his own show stateside and the opportunity to get away from a ratings sinking ship (granted a slow sinking ship). Personally I am excited about “The X Factor” to the U.S. as it hopefully will solve three big problems for Idol:
1) No more poor song choice. Judges act as mentors playing a role in everything from clothes to choreography to the most important factor, song choice. How refreshing will it be when you don’t have to hear, “yo dawg, I didn’t dig the song choice”? And how great would it be if an X-Factor contestant retorted, “Yo f—knuts, you selected the song. If you think you can do better, why don’t you get your fat a—up here?!”
2) Relegates the smallest man in America, Ryan Seacrest, to radio and like the groundhog, only allows him to come out once a year for the ball dropping (granted he still hasn’t come out yet and when referring to once a year ball dropping, I am not counting the teabagging that may be occurring on the side).
3) No age limit. While I pray that we don’t have a similar voiced Susan Boyle in America (yes, she is talented but I really can’t stand to hear overly produced opera and that ‘dream’ song one more time), there has to be a singer 28 or older that is more talented than Kris Allen and other past winners.
Tonight’s Idol
Unlike years past when I would blog perhaps ad nauseum, I simply can’t get excited or find enough to blog about the audition rounds. Between those that simply want their 15 seconds of fame and the background stories that showcase those that will then move forward, Hollywood is really the first time that we get to see the real talent. With that said, I will share a few thoughts from tonight:
In place of the no-talent Paula Abdul, we got the even less talented and pig-nosed former Spice Girl, Victoria Beckham. I never thought there could be a more useless judge than Paula, but Victoria Beckham showed that when you don’t eat, you apparently also don’t get the strength up to make one valuable comment.
The guys seemed to be focused on more tonight with radio friendly voices like Luke Shaffer and Tyler Grady and pure singers like Benjamin Bright and Justin Williams moving onto Hollywood. While they gave Joshua Blaylock a hard time for being too nice, he could be a dark horse that makes it into the top 20.
As for the girls, I wasn’t overly enthused with any of the performances. Ashley Rodriguez who the judges loved looked good and sounded fine, but there has to be better talent out there than this girl. Leah Laurenti was fine, but not so original. Perhaps best was 16-year old Katie Stevens was the only other standout tonight with her strong voice at such a young age.
Personally, I would have preferred to watch Luke Shaffer, Benjamin Bright and some unknown guy jam on the guitar as was shown earlier in the show…perhaps that is a sign of things to come with “The X Factor” and its group portion of the show.
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